In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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