She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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