Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize