My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
sex in a hospital.. check
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
