We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize