Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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