i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
