He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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