Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
There's even glitter on my cock...
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