yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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