Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
