Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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