I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
