i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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