He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
