I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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