S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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