Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
that's an acceptable place to lick
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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