i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
