He is such a slut. More and more my type.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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