Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
