he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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