I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
