I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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