Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
