My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
we're making bets on your personal life
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Randomize
