it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
my phone needs a breathalizer
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
