I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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