we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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