You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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