This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize