party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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