I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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