aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Randomize
