We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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