Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
