this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
