I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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