i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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