Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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