Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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