i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
