Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
