Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
