YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
