my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
