when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
