My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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