I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
