she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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