so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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