Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Randomize
