I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
