Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
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