Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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