I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize