You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
