Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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