break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
