He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Who died my cat blue again?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
