You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize