woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
