3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
