My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I want a musical about memes.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
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