I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
