You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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