So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
This is my gift to your gina
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
