No awkward lesbian experiences without me
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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