i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
