there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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