I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize