Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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