I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize