I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
