Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
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