Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
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