OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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