well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
