Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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