I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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