My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
