People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
