I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
