All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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