ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize