you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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