I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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