Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize