I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
