i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
