I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
