I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
nutella sex= disaster
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
