GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
