not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
