i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
