She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
