So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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