Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
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