It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize