I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
