Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
So. Much. Porn.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
